Monday, March 19, 2012

8 Cruisers to Avoid

Of course I'm being optimistic that we'll have a third Backstreet cruise to look forward to in the future. Now a big part of that experience will be the Backstreet Boys, though another huge element are your fellow cruisers. Most cruisers are pleasant to be around, but I noticed that there are 8 general types of cruisers that you will probably cause you some headache. And unfortunately I can guarantee you won't be able to avoid them.

8 Cruisers to Avoid
  1. The Teenybopper- This fan still seems to think they are 13-years old and truly wants to have Nick Carter's babies. They can generally be spotted because they will always be wearing a BSB tee, even when it may not always be appropriate (such as in the dining room) The teenybopper will also be seen either squealing or possibly even crying out of sheer happiness while in the presence of a Backstreet Boy.
    Now, I am no stranger to donning a BSB t-shirt. Nor am I bashful about the blanket of backstreet posters I once had in my room. But at this point in my life I'd like to think most of us have moved past that phase of our lives and we can conduct ourselves as adults, even around our childhood idols. I will, however, give everyone a free teenybopper pass when Nick takes his shirt off.

  2. The Reluctant Significant Other- While few in number, representatives of this population do make cameo appearances aboard the cruise. Almost all of them are tolerantly playing the role of the unwilling boyfriend/husband, dragged on the ship in exchange for promises of a Caribbean vacation. He has to protect his macho image and thus make it incredibly obvious that he isn't there by choice and hates the Backstreet Boys. This comes in the form of teasing and mocking other Backstreet fans. He also likes stir up trouble by bringing up taboo topics such as Nsync. Even though he fervently pretends to hate the Backstreet Boys, he can secretly been spotting singing Everybody when he thinks no one else is watching.

  3. The Too Cool for BSB Fan- Similar to the reluctant significant other, this person thinks they are too good to be here. No one knows why they forked over all this money to go on the cruise, because they simply don't seem to want to be there. The too cool for BSB fan also seems to know shockingly little about the boys, considering they are on a freakin cruise with them. They will make comments like "Which Backstreet Boy was the one that left?" And as luck would have it, you will most likely end up sitting next to this person. That is if they even bother to show up to the events. Apparently they feel there are better things to be doing than seeing the boys do their game show. Like lose their money at the casino.

  4. The Scantily Dressed Fan- Let's face it, you're on a cruise with thousands of woman trying desperately to capture the attention of four men. There will undoubtedly be plenty of fans in this category. These fans are typically armed with with a skirt line that practically exposes their lady regions, a tube top barely covering their upper half, and a pair of five-inch stilettos to complete the ensemble. They’re sole purpose on that ship is to capture the attention of Nick, Brian, Howie and AJ. And when that fails, you can generally find her desperately trying to flirt with the closest security guard or Rose Tour staff member.

  5. The Eternal Drunk- In my opinion, this person is the king (or queen) of annoying fans to encounter. While there's nothing wrong with having a few drinks on the ship, the chronic drunk whizzes right past the jovial tipsy fan, and progresses right into the overtly obnoxious lush. I can promise you at least at one point during the cruise you'll be doomed to encounter this fan. Just pray you wont be in front of them- aka in prime drink spilling zone. And should you find yourself suffering through a beer shower, will you get an apology? Not in hell. Instead you will be in for a medley of off-key singing, unwanted pushing, and random inane comments.
    And while some can tune out their particular frequency of annoying, I sadly cannot. My attention shifts from an awesome evening spent watching Howie to ensuring this drunk doesn't girl stumble on top of me.

  6. The Stalker- Always seen with a camera glued to her hand and following Brian around like a lost puppy dog. You can tell their sole intent of being on the ship is to spend every waking minute as close to the Backstreet Boys as possible. This includes not so indiscreetly waiting for Howie to finish his lunch, approximately 3 feet away from his table. If she's not there, she may also be seen waiting for Nick outside the bathroom. The only reason she isn't right at the urinal next to him is because security stopped her. The stalker fan is generally unaccompanied because most find it too embarrassing to be seen with her. She also can't spend any second of her attention on another person that isn't a Backstreet Boy. You will usually find this breed of fan glued firmly to the floor outside of AJ's cabin.

  7. The Debbie Downer- I don't know how this person functions on a regular basis, because even on a cruise with the Backstreet Boys, they have absolutely nothing positive to say. No matter how amazing an event is or how much interaction they get with Brian, its never enough. The downer fan is unwavering in their dedication to annoy everyone around them by pointing out any minor gripe that crosses their mind. "The food is bad." "The DJ isn't playing enough Backstreet songs." "Howie winked at me with his right eye, instead of his left." Really, folks?
    This fan is like a parasite. Their negative comments get lodged in your brain and you can't seem to think they may have a point. It's not long before your ability to concentrate on the trip you paid well over $2,000 to enjoy will be replaced with fantasies of throwing this person overboard so you can finally enjoy Brian's goofy antics with her negative comments ruining it. Should you find yourself encountering this fan, my advice- Stay Away.

  8. The Scary Obsessive Fan- Characteristics of this fan include screaming. Lots of screaming. They may hold up signs asking inappropriate personal questions such as "AJ, Can I Have Your Babies?" They make you seem outright normal in comparison, which is a feat in itself. In fact, the scary obsessive fan comes across as just plain creepy. Any information they share with you makes you want to move further and further away from them. They disclose things such as: "I touched Howie's hand 3 years ago and haven't washed it since." These are the fans that you wonder how they got on board because they probably have a restraining order placed against them.
There are only two plausible explanations why you wouldn't encounter one of these fans. It either means you're on the wrong ship or you ARE one of these 8 types of fans.