Backstreet Cruise Dictionary

I’m taking a little bit of a different approach on this one, hope you enjoy it.

Merch- Short for merchandise store/booth and it’s a place where your credit card will hate you because will easily spend $100+ on some cheaply made items plastered with the Backstreet Boys faces. Also a place where you seem to throw all sense of logic out the window and you think that $40 for a t-shirt seems perfectly reasonable.

Deck party- A better version of an after party except there isn’t much dancing but rather masses of girls are just standing around awkwardly gawking at the Backstreet Boys. A deck party also has an assigned theme which gives women yet another excuse to dress in brazenly slutty clothing to try and desperately capture the attention of their favorite BSB or crew member who could allow them access to their favorite BSB.

Full Charter- A cruise containing 93% females (primarily between the ages of 18-45); 2% gay men; and 5% reluctant obliging boyfriends/husbands/significant others.

Half Charter- A ship where half of the people are emphatic Backstreet Boy fans and the other half are poor unsuspecting souls who didn't have a clue what they were getting them self into.

Meet and Greet- The place where your dream of meeting the Backstreet Boys finally becomes a reality. Though it seems go down a little differently than you envisioned because your entire 20 seconds with all of the boys is clouded by the sounds of the photographer yelling at you to speed it up and security cutting off your almost hug with Brian because “only handshakes are allowed!” You can also expect that the years of rehearing what you would say if you met the boys seems to all go out the window causing you to sputter off some nonsense. Thus you leave feeling dejected as you miserably trudge to the buffet and drown your sorrow with some cheesecake as you sadly replay how your 15 year long dream of meeting the Backstreet Boys actually played out.

Goody Bag- Found in your cabin on the first night, a bag which you almost throw away. Then you open it and wonder to yourself why you the cabin steward put a bag of random knick-knacks in your room. Then you realize this is actually meant for you. The entire contents of the bag could not be worth more than $1.23, which seems about right considering the average cost of this cruise is $1,300.

Door Decorations- A display of elaborately decorated doors where the vast majority of them look like an issue of Teen Beat threw up all over it.

BSB Game Show- An event where you spend the bulk of your time thinking how much more you deserve to be up on the stage than the girls who they selected because it is clear that you are a much bigger fan and ten times wittier and nicer than the girls who got picked.

Wristband- A colored paper bracelet you keep on your wrist the entire cruise which is basically a way for people to either smugly show off how good their seat is; or it’s the source of why you are crying yourself to sleep in your cabin every night.

VIP  Wristband-  Another wristband that allows you entrance into designated VIP areas. Side effects of this wristband include a surge of people suddenly wanting to be your best friend because they think you can get them into VIP as well. And when they find out you can’t, they will call you a myriad of degrading names.